Dave not-Dave

I thought I'd tell you all about my barber....Dave.

Since moving to the south, I've seen a sharp rise in the cost of everyday items like hair removal, air, swiss muesli etc. I refuse to go to some 'hair salon' and pay a 5 figure sum for some college dropout who's called himself Miguel to remove hair from my head. As a result of my pikeyism© my hair is getting quite long and I'm starting to look like the mushroom character from MarioKart.

Which brings me on to Dave...I'm waiting to get my haircut by Dave. Now in my home town there are many barber shops (and brothels, some offering both services) but I've always had my hair cut by Dave. His shop (imaginatively titled 'Dave's') was like the land that time forgot. Every few years he'd pay some dodgy polish character to re-decorate, but the atmosphere was always the same. For £2 you could get a cut and blow (dry), be told why we should keep immigrants out and how the french are garlic sniffing reprobates by a chap who looked like an obese Christopher Walken..while all this was going on you got to watch a pirate video. I remember one time, he got on the subject of some middle eastern country...this got him so upset, he took 3 hours to cut my hair and I managed to watch the whole of BraveHeart.

Imagine my suprise when I visited Dave's after a year or two absence to find that some young black lad called Kenny had taken over, everything was exactly how Dave had left it (he'd apparently done a bunk to Spain) even the naked lady calender on the wall. At first it just didn't feel right, Kenny (who I call not-Dave) talked about local hooligans and selling drugs, he'd kind of turned the shop into a drop in centre for addicts, come in, get a haircut, buy a wrap...great concept. But as time went by, I got to like not-Dave even though he didn't know my name and kept trying to sell me stolen gear...he is a good barber and some of the people who walk in (some are so off their tits they forget there's a door and just bounce off it) are straight from a Tarantino movie.

So I'm waiting to return to not-Dave for a haircut, because he doesn't charge the earth, he doesn't have a stupid name, he's not gay and for £3.50 you can get a cut 'n some' blow. Fantastic.

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