Unilever provides post-Einsteinian technological junk food to the western world
The Combermere Arms (see link ) has once again landed itself on the world stage by exposing a multi-national conglomerate's unleashing of snack food products manufactured with unspecified quantum mechanical processes.
Evidence of Unilever's technological breakthrough are visible in the small print of both the Red Peperami packaging and the Green Peperami packaging. The process was first spotted by the landlord of The Combermere Arms, Gavin Craig, who noticed that the Green Peperami packaging stated there was 108% pork in the Green Peperami, whereas the Red Peperami packaging stated that the amount of pork to produce the product was well within the Newtonian range of less than 100% of the total product. In the period that has elapsed since his discovery, Unilever have since upgraded the manufacturing process of their Red Peperami product such that it, too, exceeds 100% of the total ingredients to produce the product.
Gavin Craig was unavailable for comment, as he is jet-setting around the world (well, Spain and Ireland anyway). Representatives for Mr. Craig have disputed rumours that this trip was funded by Unilever.
Representatives of Unilever were unavailable for comment.
Peperami™ is a registered trademark of Unilever, and also a stupid way to spell it. It should really be Pepperami, wouldn't you agree?
No pigs were harmed in the production of this report.