A bit of an animal?

Submitted by Richard Sheppard on Mon, 06/12/2006 - 18:05

Unilever provides post-Einsteinian technological junk food to the western world

The Combermere Arms (see link ) has once again landed itself on the world stage by exposing a multi-national conglomerate's unleashing of snack food products manufactured with unspecified quantum mechanical processes.

Evidence of Unilever's technological breakthrough are visible in the small print of both the Red Peperami packaging and the Green Peperami packaging. The process was first spotted by the landlord of The Combermere Arms, Gavin Craig, who noticed that the Green Peperami packaging stated there was 108% pork in the Green Peperami, whereas the Red Peperami packaging stated that the amount of pork to produce the product was well within the Newtonian range of less than 100% of the total product. In the period that has elapsed since his discovery, Unilever have since upgraded the manufacturing process of their Red Peperami product such that it, too, exceeds 100% of the total ingredients to produce the product.

Evidence of post-Einsteinian technologies applied to mass market junk food productionClick here to see 108% Pork!

Gavin Craig was unavailable for comment, as he is jet-setting around the world (well, Spain and Ireland anyway). Representatives for Mr. Craig have disputed rumours that this trip was funded by Unilever.

Evidence of post-Einsteinian technologies applied to mass market junk food production, this one not quite as impressive as the previous oneRed Peperami has only 101% Pork

Representatives of Unilever were unavailable for comment.

Peperami™ is a registered trademark of Unilever, and also a stupid way to spell it. It should really be Pepperami, wouldn't you agree?

No pigs were harmed in the production of this report.

Anonymous (not verified)

Wed, 06/14/2006 - 16:06

Pepperamii? The old nostrun states that If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z Is represented as 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 Then: H A R D W O R K 8 1 18 4 23 15 18 11 = 98 percent. K N O W L E D G E 11 14 15 23 12 5 4 7 5 = 96 percent. But, A T T I T U D E 1 20 20 9 20 21 4 5 = 100 percent. And B U L L S H I T 2 21 12 12 19 8 9 20 = 103 percent. So it stands to reason that hard work and knowledge will get you close, Attitude will get you there, and Bullshit will take you over the top. Peperami gives only 83% Richards spelling 'Pepperami' gives 99% Hovever if it is spelled with an exta eye as in Pompeii Pepperamii give 108% !!

Add new comment

Filtered HTML

  • Avast! This website be taken over by pirates on September 19th. Yarr!
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a href hreflang> <em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul type> <ol start type> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd><p><img src alt height width><blockquote cite><h1><h2 id><h3 id><h4 id><h5 id><h6 id>
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.